Curiousity killed the cat..... But for a while, I was the suspect !!!
This BLOG.... is going to be good !!!.... This blog represents my views, and thoughts, feelings, responses, to stuff I see & experience...
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Hey Everyone.... in case you were still going to this blog and have not updated your old blogs... I wanted to let you know that things have changed. I now maintain 4 , yes 4 blogs. This blog is no longer my primary blog. I have moved on. These are my new blogs.
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Saturday, July 23, 2005
Wait ! Don't Flush That Toilet !!
I do not know about y'all, but I thought the toilet was exit only. It has two uses, to dispose of RANCID FECES and to grip when you have had just a little too much HUNCH PUNCH, but in this great big world of ours, some restaurant owners have taken a new angle on the toilet. I am not talking about using for bathing, I'm talkin bout : SOUP IS SERVED .... if you do not believe me, then check this out !!!
I came across an ineresting site today.. it is called Hobopoet, run by AJ Hoge, his site chronicles his life living in a car, living all over the world and how he did it... his site included a link to Whywork.org , a very interesting site that contained this quote :
"Material wealth is not an indicator of one's success on this earth; happiness is, at least for me. Don't get me wrong, I love money. I adore it and all the things it can attain, but not at the expense of my soul. I believe true fulfillment can only come by being brutally honest with yourself, and staying true to oneself. Being forced to wake up each morning at an un-godly hour and mindlessly conform to a society which is suffering from acute brain atrophy is certainly not the path to self-fulfillment. There has to be a better way. Do I have the answer? No, but at least I have recognized the problem, and surely that is the first step towards rectification.
My question is this- I read the article and agreed with many points that Craig was making. Am I alone in my thoughts ? Does one get a more fulfilling life he actually does not fall into the trap of the 40 hour work week ? Can you obtain more happiness by doing many different things in your life and not be trapped ? I have seen all to many people tell me that I wish I could've done this or gone to that place... well why don't you ? It's never to late !! Ian
Friday, July 22, 2005
Drop everything and run while you can... looks like the Patriot Act was extended for 10 more years !!! Whoopee !! That is dandy. More of our civil liberties are slowly being eroded away because like they say.... a few bad apples spoil the bunch. When will America wake up and put down their starbucks. I am talking about the youth, we must be ready to stand up and act out against these attrocities. More on this later....
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Birthday Gift Idea #1
This is the phone that I must have.... so if you would like to donate 2 cents or even $5 dollars to the fund, I would greatly appreaciate it. I will set up an area on my site where users can donate money to my paypal account. Or you can spread the message around to all your friends. My birthday is a month away on the 26th of August.. so instead of getting shitfaced this weekend, please support the Ian needs a modern phone fund. If you can't find that phone in the USA ...then this old thing will do !! HOLLA.... Throw Your Diamonds Up ------->!!DIAMONDS FOREVER !!
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
What ever happend to Ricki Lake ?
Let me tell you about last weekend. !!! Friday Went to Fabolous, I mean Famous Pub like we seem to be doing way more often than I like to acknowledge. The usual crew was there. Joe, Alex, Justin, Matt Rey, Jasmine, Trey, Myself, and a new recruit, named Jonathon. The night started off with me driving. It was my turn unfortunately, which meant less to drink, but it also meant less $ spent on beer and chicken wings. When we got there, I saw Drew Turner and Beau Billington, and Patsy Horne. Time had been well to 2 out of 3. If you can guess the old maid, then I will buy you a non-alcoholic beer. Someone really let themselves go. But they seem to have an interesting job !! I was then challenged to play pool from Norwood and Lil Joe. My partner was my trusty sidekick Alex. We were going to kick some Paleskin Ass !! Turns out, we lost, but in the 2nd game I was holding my own. I knocked all the balls in. With the exception of the 8 Ball. Ever wonder why it is called the 8 Ball ? So did I. So I sent my investigative journalist down to uncover the story. I am afraid to report that you are not going to like what you see. The origins of the 8 Ball. I told you that you were not going to like it. It is like finding a family of trolls in your belly button. The night got better though. It got better with the magical power of dance. Not Michael Flatly dance, but good old fashioned Kid N Play dance. The rhythm was in the air, the feet were tapping, and the guys were on the floor. But where were the ladies ? That is a good question. That is always a good question when we get on the dance floor. The ladies did show up and were oh so impressed with Alex's impression of the worm or centipide or the legless lizard. Whatever it was, Jasmine & I were speechless. Joe did not back it up as much as he did in the past, I guess he got his quota in for the month of July. What about yours truly ? Yes kiddies, I got up there and did my best "run overed squirrel impression" . To all the ladies out there, I was taught by Mr. Patrick Swayze himself. All it takes is determination. We then sat around, drank some more, and heard about Matt Rey & Justin drooling over some waitress. This girl was good, but not that good looking. She was all over every guy in the place. I am sure she walked away with quite a few tips and phone numbers that night. I just have one thing to say to the guys who fell for it -- oh well, they're guys, better luck next time. Saturday Saturday was pretty repetitive. Got up, went to the gym drunk, sweated out salty buckets of Miller Lite & Vodka w/lime and felt pretty weak afterwards. I then did not do much. I think I watched some Nip/Tuck (my favorite new show) I can identify with Christian Troy so much. I think I got the right character. One thing I have noticed is that there are no brothers, asians, or mexicans in southern Florida. I wonder if this is true. Who is gonna pick my oranges. Speaking of oranges, I heard an interview of NPR the other day about these huge buses that come to Atlanta to recruit African American homeless people and offer them jobs and hot food, in exchange that they come down to florida to work. Many accept the job, but once they do they are forced to keep working. They orange farm owners make the ex-homeless people pay for the gas, the bus ride and the food that they used to bait them in with in the first place. The report also mentioned that many of the ex-homeless orange pickers were paid in drugs and alcohol. I know of a couple of people who wouldn't even need a resume to land that job. Saturday Continued Sorry about that, my mind wandered. Let's see, the plan was to go see Weezer at the free 99x concert down town at 5 points. Like clock work , it rained AGAIN !! This rain is starting to get ridiculus. We still went downtown and met up with Nasty's sister - Little Ricky. We used to call her that because I thought she looked like a minature version of Ricki Lake. She used to hate that !! It really is true that I make up a nickname for everyone. Well we got there and there was no BOOZ, nothing, nada. My eyes got real sad looking. I have that down to a science. I stuck out my hand and said, please sir, may I have some more ? No I didn't. I was very upset. But I heard that relief was on the way. Allison's neighbor was kind enough to offer us some of his beer. He had some of everything. Then more guest showed up and we had more beer. All I kept thinking was the Dione Warwick song - That's what friends are for . It was so beautiful. Before I knew it, I had kicked back a couple of beers and was off to my old perverted ways of turning into one of the Nasty Boys Yes that is right, the Nasty Boys. I do not know when it started, but it is a part of my every day struggle to survive. Call it a perverted case of Terret's syndrome. Well we then drank some more and attempted to watch a boxing match. Got bored quickly. Here's a hint Jeffry- get some freakin volume. So lame, so lame. Joe & I proceeded to head down stairs when Joe got the bright idea that I steal some beer. Sounded good to me. I went and found an unwatched 12 pack and grabbed it with my beady little hands and were off. We rushed off to Nasty's chamber to present our offerings, and he took it the complete opposite way of what we expected. You just can't please some people. We left 4 or 5 beers in his fridge, for our trouble and then returned the beer, to be caught red handed. We told our hostess that we had to give Nasty some beer STAT, so that he would not pass out from dehydration. Clever thinking from Old Ian as usual. Once that was over with, we still were thirsty so we went banging on doors until one opened. We walked into a new condo that was about the same size as Nasty's. Just a little differently laid out. We talked with the host and found out alot about him. He turned out to be a swell guy + his girl was looking good (if that was his girl) About 20 or 30 minutes passed and Alex finally walks in. He joins in the conversation and has some very good input. I think that once I heard him say hmmm. I can't be too sure, I had been drinking from grandpa's medicine cabinet. Time flew and Joe remined us that Marta was dead. Gasp ! I thought as I scratched my head and then rubbed the couch ever so gingerly. "What are we going to do ?" I asked. "Fuck it", Joe replied. Sounded good to me, and I dropped my trousers and had my way with the couch. 3 minutes later I told everyone that seriously y'all are sick peeping toms for watching and that next time you can find me at strokers on lean. We then left and I found myself on the floor. It turns out that non-drunk / non-violent Joe accidently rammed me into a wall, ...again. So I got back up and we left for the second time. We were lucky to have Alex drive us, he is such a good friend. Otherwise he would have to get on his knees and earn his ride home. It is a good thing it was him and not me, because the "Johns" like it when the dome-master has brushed their teeths. The end of the story. If you have any similar stories, please let me know. HOLLA
The Meat Button
The plan was to go to bed at 12:00 p.m. but that did not work out !! Instead, I got the image of the "meat button" in my head. What is a "meat button" you might ask ? A meat button is something that I found I had from Nasty Dancer. I was born with a soft spot on the back of my head. Or I was put in the travel machine from The Fly, with a jelly fish or possibly a soft shell crab that I was unaware of. When I came out of the machine, I found that I was not so hard headed after all. It doesn't hurt, or bleed on it's own. It really does not do anything special, but everyone at the Northland thinks otherwise. The main culprit/resident sicko NASTY DANCER seems to have plans for the meat button. It is very strange. Nasty says it reminds him of the old tropicana orange juice ads where someone would jab a straw into an orange and suck out the juice. I do not know where he gets these sick ideas from, and I don't want to know. But, if for some reason someone mentions it at the office, all hell breaks loose and very graphic and sexually explicit desires are expressed on my "meat button" ! It is very frightening and the only thing I know to do is retreat into my office and turn the lights off and get in the corner screaming out NO DIRT !! NO DIRT !! over and over while rubbing my chest. That temporarily brings closure to the subject. Sometimes the meat button gets transformed into a "meat nugget" which is even more scary for Old Ian. I really do not know what to do anymore. One thought is, I could get my hair conked and not have to worry about it, because my hair would be a greasy mess, the other thing is to convert to Judaism, so I could wear a yomacah. Is this normal behavior or am I just over worrying... only time will tell !! Until next time kiddies !!! Old Ian
I recently came across a web store front that seems like a pretty good idea... I am going to see if I can make a go at it... I should have some results up by friday, in the mean time this will have to tide you over !! THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID !!
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Hello Kiddies, I know it has been a long time since I updated this blog, and that is because I have been seeing a different blog, a sexier blog, a blog that makes me feel like a man. I made the switch over to typepad. I do have some good news though. I have been accepted into the Bachelor of Interdiscplinary studies at GSU, well that was a while ago, while I was in the application process, I spoke with Yuki Takatori, the head of the Asian studies center, and I told her I was interested in studying abroad. I filled out some applications there, I applied to schools in Japan, Thailand, and China for a year long study abroad with an emphasis on international business. I have been accepted into the University of Bangkok and have decided to take up this opportunity. I can't wait. Props to Professor Takatori, she really came through. Currently things are not going so great at the NORTHLAND. My boss is freaking out more and more and it is starting to eat away at me. I could use a good change of scenery. So I have started to save money for my trip. I should have more than enough by the time January rolls around, cause that is when I am out of here. I am so excited. For part of my coursework, I will be a part time TEFL teacher. Teaching about 15 hours a week. I hope the experience is great. I have been doing alot of research on AJARN- the ultimate Thai Teacher Portal. In Other News... You Can Check out my two new blogs here and here That is all for now. I am trying to set up my blogs so that when one is updated, it will update the other two. Give me time, but for now, bookmark all three. Ta Ta For Now !!
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Monday, June 20, 2005
This weekend was a bluuurrrr.... Friday Night, worked out, went to South Carolina/Georgia to pick up Sailor Moon. We walked into Moon's church/ excuse for a school and were unpleasantly surprised to see hymn singing at 10:00 on a Friday night, I really do not have it bad after all. There was a creepy guy playing piano, and he looked downright scary. I introduced myself and lurch answered with a non handshake !! It felt so wierd and akward. I also met Roy from St. Croix. He seemed pleasant enough. He did not say much and I guess that is why he was pleasant =). We left the compound and went to the BP. I needed COFFEE. I paid for Joe's coffee. That fool owes me like $10,000 in non discritionary income. I will get paid, oh yes, I will get paid, one way or the other. I know of a good booty, err bounty hunter, named Nasty, there is also Treybein, I guess he can choose the lesser of the 2 evils. Joe did not like his french vanilla capacino. He should have known, we were in the middle of the twilight zone. I digress, my 3/4 coffee 1/4 hot chocolate mix was good. I offered him some, but he refused. The rest of the trip continued as follows.... bla bla bla.. singing Gwen Stefani, bla bla bla, we hate RAZORLIGHT, bla bla, ian is the best person ever !!! We finally got home around 1:00 or 1:30... I went to bed. Saturday- Woke up at 7:30, called the gym and was placed in the 9:30 class. Made some coffee, scratched my butt, and surfed the net and checked email for a little while, then headed to the gym for my regiment. I forgot to wash my previous day's workout garb, so after 20 minutes of working out/cardio, I was a dirty dirty smelly punk. I felt bad for everyone who had to endure the wrath. Oh well, that is what they get. I finished the workout and took a shower. Oh the joy of warm showers !!. Went back to the office and vacummed the whole place. It took about and hour. I then got the call from Treybein, he reminded me that I had previously rsvp'd a lunch with him at Front Page News, where he works. It was all you can eat Crawdad, crayfish, or whatever day for $10.99.... also got a call from Lay-Z & Chi Chi, they tagged along for the trip. Lunch was fun. We drank on some refreshing Sam Addams summer brew, 3 pitchers, and then Chi Chi & Treybein had some mamosa's. In total, I had about 15 crawfish before I got tired of em. It is too much work, for little reward. Also I cut my finger. See what I mean !! We left Front Page News slighty buzzing and went back to Cruella's abode. Everything was good until Cruella found us on his porch. Sorry Cruella, but I was innocent. Anyways... it wasn't my fault. And please next time DO NOT BE SO DRAMATIC... there is a time and place for JOAN CRAWFORD, and 5:00 p.m. is not ONE OF THEM !!!!.....but I regress, one should not hold a grudge. =) Well once we were booted from Treybein & Cruella's place we went back home and put on some classic Battle For The Planet Of The Apes goodness and waited around. It was MATT Rey's day of birth and we had to celebrate. (Actually it was last Tuesday, but who pays attention to the minor details) Matt Rey takes it upon himself to have a generous portion of Jim Bean and coke. I would have suggeseted Diet coke, but that is just me. Also Matt Rey kept swearing that he would not do anything to make himself throw up later on. ALLLRIIGHT was my autoresponse. We parted ways with Lay-Z and headed to Pancho's. The place was jumping, like it always is. I guess it is because the weather was perfect and the patio had cantadores autentico. (Authentic Singers) Justin & I split a pitcher of Heart-Burn inducing frozen Margaritas. First three glasses were ok and then OH NO, it was something awful !!... no one ate their food.. it was not good at all, it was a step down from Purina Dog Food, but the chips were good. Matt Rey thought the waitress was in love with him, and he was right, she loves pets.... just kidding Matt Rey... it's all to the good... we left after an hour and half and were on our way to Famous Pub... it was dark and mysterious like it always is. DJ SuckAss was spinning and as usual there were few on the dance floor.... IT WAS TIME TO PROCURE Matt Rey some refreshments... 9 rounds of drinks, two pool games, 4 air hockey, two failed dance attempts, and Jasmine's BOOTY DANCING , which was unexpected, but welcomed, Matt Rey was a goner. We got home and the guys began to wrestle. Which strangely as it seems, is not that unusual. Matt Rey then puked after all and once he was done, he walked and then fell on the ground, it looked pretty painful, then we gave him his birthday punches, and proceede to pick him up. It was not 3:00 in the morning and enough was enough. Time to go to bed. Sunday- Sailor Moon went to church with us, I took him home, and we parted ways, that was the last I saw of him. At 3:00 I met with my dad and we met my mom aka McMom's, my brother and his girlfriend at Mick's in downtown. Everyone had a good time and we always have good conversations. At 4:30 I was stuffed. I ate a Feta Cheese / Roasted Red Pepper burger that was delicous. At 6:00 I was back home , laying down on the couch. At 6:45 the gang was back at the house and we were on our way to see Batman Begins, but first we had to watch Family guy. Genious, Peter found out he was retarded and they put a "Special Dad" sign in the yard. We laughed, we cried, we knitted sweaters, but it was the time spent together that counted. Batman begins was great, it was an action movie that actually had a story and a reason for the action. Christian Bale is great in everything he's in. Liam Neeson rounds off the cast. But my favorite actor was Michael Cane... even in his old age, he can always turn the audience to his favor and provide comic relief at the most appropriate times. SEE BATMAN.... that is all for now folks... my hand is craming up.... it is hard to just type with one hand... wink wink... See ya lata SUCKA's.. Ian.... aka The Urban Socrates
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Sick - Ways To Annoy Bathroom-mates
1.Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, ''May I borrow a highlighter?'' 2. ''Uh-oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that.'' 3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise. 4. ''Hmmm, I've never seen that color before.'' 5. ''Damn, this water is cold.'' 6. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly. 7. ''Now how did that get there?'' 8. ''Hummus. Reminds me of hummus.'' 9. Fill up a large flask with Mountian Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling,''Whoa! Easy boy!!'' 10. '' Interesting....more sinkers than floaters'' 11. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peaunt butter on a wad of toliet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say,''Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?" 12. ''C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!" 13. ''Boy, that sure looks like a maggot'' 14. ''Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?'' 15. Play a well-known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks. 16. Before you unroll toliet paper, conspicusly lay down your ''Cross-Dressers Anonymous'' newsletter on the floor visiable to the adjacent stall. 17. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, ''Peek-a-boo!'' 18. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing ''Born Free.''
17 Good Questions
I was scanning the web for wierd stuff, but couldn't find anything wierder than this !! Anyways here are 17 Questions... so please answer all of them to the best of your ability and you get extra points for honesty
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
The Week That Was(n't....)
Hello kiddies, I love saying that. It reminds me of the cryptkeeper who I gew up watching on HBO... sometimes the cryptkeeper would knock on my door in the middle of the night, then he would stand over me and just breath, this ritual continued for intervals of 3 minutes for a total of 21 minutes every night from age 7 through 23... those were trying times for Old Ian... goood stuff.... Quick Re-cap of the week... Saturday... Went to Pancho's with Joe, Alex, Justin, and myself... .split a pitcher of margarita's with Alex, Justin & Joe had beer and were definitely jealous =) I had some cheez dip.... the waitress we had was very attractive and very pleasant. Sunday... woke up late from the night before....hung out at Dan's after we drank some fruity beer... listened to a guest preacher...he was ok... Monday- went to work with MIKE E. and BOB E. not that much fun , had to do a final plat with the two brothers in 2 days... I had to endure pain... but I have been through a lot worse... thank god I had my ipod.... worked out... had a good time with the workout group at the gym Tuesday... worked on boring Townhome siteplans... sent the guys out for topo... had to go to North Hairston to as-built two drop inlets.... practiced spanish with the mexicans who were enjoying their ciesta... worked out... ran laps like crazy... my trainer is going to kill me... made Jambalya w/ smoked sausage.... watched Boiler room... did some laundry... the usual.... Wed.... we will see what happens..... Peace In The Middle East.... Dennis Leary Quote of the Day :
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Am I coming in clear ? Can you hear me ? ... I can hear you... Now that we have that settled.. let's proceed... Where have I been for 2 weeks ? I will tell you... I have been here in ClarkGanistan... search for it on google.... to some it is known as Clarkstonia to others... it is simply known as Wonkaland.... The subject of this blog is I need a new hobby... I will tell you what I do now to occupy my time and feel free to enlighten me onto healthy or unhealthy alternatives..
- Staring at my toenails...... then peeling them off and pouring hotsauce in my gaping toe wounds and then sealing them up with peanut butter and nutella...
- Shaving my tounge when I run out of toothpaste... cheaper than buying toothpaste... we always keep old hairy razors around the place..
- Making strange faces for 2 minutes at a time... always 2 minutes .. NEVER 3.. NEVER 3...
- Shuffle imaginary cards....
- Do common things around the house like sweeping the floor and then proceeding to turn the act into some type of interpretive dance.... you should really see my dance called sweep the floor.... I think I have latin hips cuz they can shake... that's hot...
- Coming up with new catch phrases to say whenever anyone says anything... ones from the past have been: That's Hot... That's What She Said.... , YEAH YEAH, Kopfgaleschlagen (german) see Soap Dish...., I pulled my weiner, I love lamp, the list goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and then stop !!.....Hammertime
- Researching articles in the wall street journal extensively until my eyes twitch and bleed
- Stretching Out like a dog in the front door , so that when someone opens the door, I get hit in the head, and they scratch my belly and behind my ears...
- Making lightsabers out of popsicle sticks and cockroaches...
- Having slumber partys with the filthy cockroaches...
- Milking the little bitty tits on the disturbingly sexy cockroaches.
- Take long and hot applesauce baths...
- Stare at someone with a wierd face until I get them to get uncomfortable... then I pull up my draws.... and then put on my marmalade lotion... strange but true...
- Last but not least... the one that is begginning to scare me is when I dig a hole in the ground about the size of a ripe cantelope and tie my hands behind my back and stick my head in the fresh hole and reenact "The Lord Of The Dance"
Monday, May 16, 2005
Well Kiddies, I am officially back from Costa Rica.. I had a pretty fun trip overall.. the weather was great, the surfing was spectacular... except for the "shark bite", and everyone there was truly nice and genuine, something u don't always get back at home.... unfortunately..... The day of the trip, my alarm clock was not working very well and I did not wake up early like I had planned, so I forgot my bathing suit, underwear, ipod charger, and a couple of other important things... oh well.... I did not know any of this though until I landed.... I had to borrow the nugget's bathing suit which was a bit too short... most of the europeans wore bikini's anway... once I got over the shock factor of the heat I immediately jumped into the pool, then I jumped into the beach, then I jumped on the bed, and then I jumped into bed, I did a whole lot of jumping !! I stayed at the resort Barcelo, a very nice "all inclusive" place that had a very good staff, anything you could want, they had, except for ravioli.... so Marmaduke would not have been happy !!, When I got off the plane, my sunglasses broke, that sucked.... and my Ipod was dying... that sucked as well.... most of the women were beautiful.. as long as they were under 26, once they past that age it is all over for them... very very wierd.... I met some FREAKS down there old and young... I also met some very good dancers and a whole lot of people from Georgia.... some from Dallas, some from Atlanta, I even got really good at spanish, I was amazed at how fast it all came back, I got pretty burnt, and did not bring any sun tan or spf lotion, so I improvised and used some hot sauce..... did not work as well as I had envisioned.... I got to participate in a whole lot of the nightly shows and represented Clarkganistan very well... I won 3 t-shirts and a bottle of wine.... I went kayaking, hiking, went on a string-line, water slide, horseback riding, (mental note- next time wear underwear) , and dancing... made some good friends, ate some good and bad food, tried some gasoline (aka GUARO... aka Costa Rican Rum).... went jogging and tore my foot up and my sandals, met a land survey crew, bought new sandals, those also broke... learned the Merengue, and some other latin dance.... I would recomend the Barcelo resort at Playa Langosta anytime to anyone.... at $750 for everything it was a steal.. considering the average costa rican worker makes $0.66 cents a day... I am talkin about the non tourism industry... that is all for now... I',m audi 5000.... peace in the middle east Ian