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Wednesday, July 20, 2005

The Meat Button

The plan was to go to bed at 12:00 p.m. but that did not work out !! Instead, I got the image of the "meat button" in my head. What is a "meat button" you might ask ? A meat button is something that I found I had from Nasty Dancer. I was born with a soft spot on the back of my head. Or I was put in the travel machine from The Fly, with a jelly fish or possibly a soft shell crab that I was unaware of. When I came out of the machine, I found that I was not so hard headed after all. It doesn't hurt, or bleed on it's own. It really does not do anything special, but everyone at the Northland thinks otherwise. The main culprit/resident sicko NASTY DANCER seems to have plans for the meat button. It is very strange. Nasty says it reminds him of the old tropicana orange juice ads where someone would jab a straw into an orange and suck out the juice. I do not know where he gets these sick ideas from, and I don't want to know. But, if for some reason someone mentions it at the office, all hell breaks loose and very graphic and sexually explicit desires are expressed on my "meat button" ! It is very frightening and the only thing I know to do is retreat into my office and turn the lights off and get in the corner screaming out NO DIRT !! NO DIRT !! over and over while rubbing my chest. That temporarily brings closure to the subject. Sometimes the meat button gets transformed into a "meat nugget" which is even more scary for Old Ian. I really do not know what to do anymore. One thought is, I could get my hair conked and not have to worry about it, because my hair would be a greasy mess, the other thing is to convert to Judaism, so I could wear a yomacah. Is this normal behavior or am I just over worrying... only time will tell !! Until next time kiddies !!! Old Ian


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